No one gets it. You try to explain and it just can’t be grasped. Anxiety is like a tunnel vision, a foggy lens, a foreign language that only you can understand to the core. It is a vortex of thought that you get sucked deep down into without any escape in sight. Ever try to escape it? It takes so much mental effort to try to “be in the moment.” It is exhausting. It becomes easier to just stay in the mental world you have created of fears, doubts, and what-ifs. It becomes comfortable and familiar. But where does that get you?
In my experience: It got me no where. Not where I wanted to be.
But sometimes there’s a person willing to hear, and open to trying to listen. Sometimes someone special will ask questions, admit misunderstanding and ask for translation but be there, working and supporting anyways. It takes a strong person. It takes a lot of love. It takes a will, a drive, a desire, and a confidence to take a risk. Are you willing? Are you prepared? Do you have the ability to see the panoramic view of how much someone cares despite their struggles? Do you see the emotional pain in their eyes? Take a look into yourself, listen to your heart, understand your dedication to a person, and be happily prepared to go on a journey.
I know it’s hard. I know you care. I know you want to try but it just seems easier not to. It is not easy to listen to someone with anxiety, put emotional energy into someone with depression, and allay the fears of someone with other mental health issues. But guess what? That person you love, isn’t their mental health struggles. It is the person you love for who they are. See past it. See through it. Love that part too. Don’t give up when it gets to be too much. It is easy to let their doubt and your uneasiness be a reason to leave. But leaving is only a way to escape hurt and pain of not knowing how to help, what will happen next, and how to build something together. Your heart is on the line and you don’t like that feeling especially with someone who seems less stable than you, and has ups and downs. But that person is hurting. Hurting so badly. It is so painful to fight yourself, your feelings, your desires, and your truths. Leaving, for you, is an escape. A cop out. It says, “I don’t know how to handle this. I don’t know if I can handle this. It hurts too much and there is too much risk. I gotta find someone I care about who might be easier.” But it won’t match up. It cannot. No matter how much you try. It just isn’t the same.
So what are you gonna do? Deny your heart and try to feel that way again, or help that person believe they are worthy and you are strong enough and in love enough to desire to take the journey together?
SEROTONING 