I woke up at 3:30am and since I felt a little restless, I immediately reached for my phone. But this time I took a second and I paused.
This is not a good habit, I thought. We all reach to our phones way too often as a safety net, blocking out our feelings, and allowing them to have a stronger hold on us when they inevitably resurface. Our phones have been designed this way and it makes every one of us have to be that much more aware of what we use them for. Phone calls, texts, email, entertainment at times(also within reason of amounts), sure! I am definitely guilty of getting caught in an hour long rabbit hole of instagram posts and videos, but when it comes to involuntary distraction from our conscious awareness and wellbeing, that’s where the danger hits. When it comes to feeling lonely, multitasking (ie Netflix and phone where you end up having to rewatch the show or movie because you weren’t even paying attention), being in a room full of others, I for one will be choosing to be in the present moment no matter how uncomfortable it may be.
Last night I chose to sit in the feeling of restlessness, uncertainty, thoughts running through my mind, to-do lists accumulating. I chose to sit there and breathe into it. For the first time I named my feelings. Identifying them helped me accept them. Was this comfortable? Nope, but it was self awareness; it was acceptance; it was growth.
And, yes, eventually I fell back to sleep.