When I have a bout of high anxiety that causes a cascade of thoughts, fears, and emotions, sometimes scary and unwanted, it doesn’t just stop when it’s over. I wish it did. I wish it were that easy; when the anxiety was gone I would restart life where I left off.

However, it lingers. It’s like a faint whisper in your head for some time that says, “remember when you felt lonely… Do you still feel like that and think about X? Stay aware that this was just yesterday when you felt that way so be on edge for a while, uneasy, and prepared to fight again.”

What a freakin nightmare. This fight is like no other. This is when all other emotions shut down and you only feel uneasiness, uncertainty, fear, and on-alert. Reminding yourself that a day ago you felt so much gratitude and love for life and your family doesn’t seem to matter because you cannot find those feelings now. They feel so distant, unknown, and foreign. This, in a weird way, was good for me to experience because when I was in the deep end of OCD and I couldn’t feel love for my partner, I thought it meant I needed to question my feelings and commitment but rather now I know it was anxiety and uncertainty covering up any other positive emotions I felt and I had to let the heightened emotions come down to find my equilibrium again.

Allowing the feelings to linger is part of the process. It’s not an on or off switch, it doesnt just disappear but we learn to understand what the feelings are there for, how to handle them, and what we need to do as individuals to lessen the negative effects of them. I went to visit family, and whether it was a distraction or not doesn’t matter. It was what I needed to do to get through another day and find my sense of stability again. I decided not to workout in my apartment but go to a public track to actually see people and feel the energies of others to start my day. These are changes I know I will continue with while I can, as I am someone who needs to be around people sometimes (not necessarily talking to them but feelings the energy of others and surrounded by others).

What are the things that you do when you feel lonely or need to shift your mentality into a more positive place?


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